thegoldenacornvermont


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Being In Tune

Sometimes I forget that I am deeply affected by other peoples energy, whether it is good or bad. For the most part, I am in tune with my body and can feel my heart beat faster or slower depending on the circumstance. My body is a barometer to the outside world. My hands turn cold when I’m nervous. I become shaky. My stomach tightens. Even my cheeks turn red when I feel threatened.
When I am happy I feel lighter and warm. A smile comes easier. It’s as if all functions level out.
It is good to pay attention to these reactions so as to not forget that we are all truly connected and that each kind word, each kind gesture, matters. At the core, all humans want the same things: health, happiness, and safety. If we all just focused on what we have, instead of what we don’t, then we’d be healthier and happier.

Wishing for peace around the world, and internally. IMG_1763.JPG


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Blue Skies

Today was the kind of day you wish for in the dead of winter in New England; blue skies, the air being warm enough to take your coat off for a bit, and the sound of children giggling while skating.

Our daughter had a couple friends come over today, to skate on our homemade ice rink in the field. This has been a group project of ours this winter. It counts as STEM work for school as well as fun and exercise for the whole family.

The friends, who happen to be sisters and in our close friends group, came over just after lunch, meeting us outside with masks on. We are still in the pandemic mind you, and masks worn everywhere are the new norm. The girls walked down to the bench near the ice rink and quickly put on their figure skates. Since our daughter is homeschooled now, she only sees these friends every couple weeks and I often wonder if they will become shy around each other, having to adjust each time they greet each other between weeks. But, there is no time wasted; they seem to easily fall into friendship again. This is something I admire in children; they are quick to laugh, to forgive, and to play.

I watched them do figure 8’s, twirls on their toe-picks, and sprints to the edge of the rink. It made me feel happy to see them in open space being able to be together and play.

February around these parts means a little bit longer days. Today we gained a little over 2 minutes of daylight. In the depths of winter, these two minutes mean a lot to us. Soon we will begin tapping trees and boiling sap from maples to make syrup. But today we can play and focus on the hope of spring while enjoying the benefits of a cold and snowy winter.


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A Snowy Drive

It was fast approaching Valentines Day.

One child wanted to make his own valentines for just a couple friends, the other child wants to buy those small perforated ones, that often come with cheap candy, to give to lots of buddies in our homeschool pod. This is how we ended up driving into town on a snowy morning.

We walked out of the house and there were inches of fresh snow on the already deep base we have. The car needed to be started and cleaned off before we went anywhere. As we sat in the vehicle, the kids read their books and asked how long the drive would take. I didn’t have an answer for them; and as I looked out into the storm, I wondered if we should go at all. The road hadn’t been plowed for a couple of hours. There was heavy snow coming down. I thought about one steep hill we’d have to go down and my spine tingled. But if you want to get anywhere or anything done in New England in the winter, you have to be willing to push small worries away.

So, we put the car in drive.

We made it down the steepest hill and ended up at the ‘mom and pop’ store where we thought the valentines would be. We wandered around, but never found what we were looking for. The kids had a lot to say about this: Why wouldn’t they have them? It IS Valentines Day after all! Did they not get a shipment because of the virus? What are the other kids going to do without valentines to hand out? All valid questions and concerns, I agreed. Then I told my youngest that she’d have to make her own cards this year, and that she’s so creative they would be even better than store-bought ones. I could see her disappointment but I also saw a tiny smile creep across her face.

On our way home we took a dirt road that we always take when we come back from that town. We always stop at a certain steep hill. In the warmer months we run barefoot to the top and take in the view of the mountain and pick wild flowers. This time, however, the snow would be too deep to hike to the top. We continued on, getting distracted one more time along the way. We noticed a sugarhouse nestled in deep snow and an American flag pinned up to its side. I could not resist taking a photo of it. The kids didn’t even say a word; they are used to my antics and adventures.

We pulled into our driveway that hadn’t been plowed. Got out of the car and noticed the quiet of freshly fallen snow. We are lucky for open spaces and to be able to make spur-of-the-moment trips. Happy Valentines Day to all our loves near and far.


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Small Sounds

Things I hear on a Monday morning in the middle of winter:

My husband gently talking with our daughter about the science of snow molecules and traveling clouds. My son taking a longer shower than necessary. The heat coming on and blasting through the house to keep us warm; it is currently 7 degrees (F) in Vermont. The purring of our cat, Hagrid, on my lap. The occasional snow and ice fall off the roof. And this gorgeous piano music by our friend and old neighbor, Joseph Cardillo. He also goes by Vontmer and you can find his music anywhere you listen.

Have yourself a listen and your day will be better for it.

Thanks for being here.

X


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The Garlic Bulb

It was nearing bedtime the other evening when I realized, suddenly, that I had to run an errand. I quickly gave my husband and children a kiss and hug and left the house while the snow fell in large flakes. I ended up at our local Walmart. Walking through any store this year has been surreal, to say the least. Sanitizing stations scattered throughout, people rushing in to get their shopping done, double masks worn, masks worn improperly, and more. And this evening was no exception.

I arrived at the store and found the correct entrance by the arrows leading the way. I noticed that the annual tax station was set-up at the front of the store. There were a few people waiting in line to get advice from the years CPA. I said to myself, “I wouldn’t wait in that line during daytime hours much less at bedtime!”

I made a B-line towards the back of the store, I needed new ink for our home printer. Since homeschooling, we have been using ink like its no ones business. I got to the electronic section and saw an entire row of printer cartridges that were behind locked glass. “Of course”, I said, and sighed. I looked around and saw no one that could help me right away. At that late hour, I would have to search for someone.

I walked a few aisles over and was drawn to a woman speaking loudly to a young man in a blue Walmart vest. She was trying to get a new cell phone plan set up. He was calmly telling her that she’d have to call the company in the morning to resolve whatever issue she was having. The masks seemed to be playing a part in the communication issues they were having, and if I’m being honest, age played a part as well.

I finally got a chance to ask the young man to help me with my ink choice. He was trying to direct me to the ink for laser printers, which we do not have. I had to make it clear which ink I was needing. He finally unlocked the glass cabinet and found that he was out of the small black tone that I wanted. Again, “of course” this time with an eye roll to myself. I had to choose the one available; the most expensive one on the shelf. It included such colors as Yellow, Magenta, Black and Cyan. Boy, are we in luck!

Once I paid for the large ink box, I was on my way, hurrying to get out of there like every other person.

I walked up to the front of the store, took a left towards the correct exit and nearly bumped into a woman wearing a black salon cape with her hair up in silver paper and hair dye painted all over her head. “Of course”, I mumbled to myself and giggled, as if this was the final touch to the evening.

I made my way past her and responded to the gentleman working the door to, “have a good night” and the moment I stepped outside, I looked down and saw a whole garlic bulb smashed to pieces on the cement. Cloves scattered all over. One last time, “of course”.

Some nights are just more interesting than others.


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goodbye summer 2015

    
Last night we waved goodbye to our summer sun. Our little family was at Lake Salem in Derby, VT. 

Earlier we had made an offering to the lake gods, which included clam shells, tiny daisies, itty bity snails, and pink and green flowers. We swam and splashed around and ate a delicious meal cooked on the grill. 

The air started to have a slight chill to it; and as the children ran around giggling, soaking up the quick seconds of gold remaining, the sun set and the warmth left us and the sky turned gray and the water a darker blue.

And then, we said hello to Autumn and a beautiful evening.

“The world is round and the place which may seem like the end, may also be the beginning.” – Ivy Baker Priest 

  


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momma’s birthday

today (July 2nd) was my birthday!

it was nothing special, and everything special. 

  
my children were running circles around me. bickering. loving. giggling. all the good stuff. 

had breakfast with my mom, Cream of Wheat was what I requested; an odd favorite. coffee was delicious. 

ice cream for the kids at lunch. 

surprise massage (gifted to me by my husband) in the afternoon!

spontaneous dinner with friends in the evening. 

see? 

all simple yet amazing. 

I just want to remember. ✨💚🎈

   
   


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summer memories 

ah, bliss. 

      summer is really shaping up to be quite extraordinary, so far! 

we seem to be super busy, nearly everyday. I’m not one to care for busy days, particularly…but I’m trying to just roll with it. 

swimming, exploring, piano lessons, birthday parties, bridal showers, barbecues, long car rides to cool places, sleeping in, hot nights, gardening: SUMMER!

  
  
  
my nephew, Forrest, was here (with my brother and his momma) over Father’s Day weekend. that was such a joy. he is edible. and it’s always good to reconnect with my brother and Mary. it feels like a restart. 

we built a dam in my parents brook, which is something my family always does together. a chance to talk, cool off, build something neat; and all the while know that the dam will be destroyed with the next storm. impermanence and beauty right before our eyes. 

  Matt ended up getting free Red Sox tickets from his boss. we were NOT going to take the kids, but we couldn’t find a babysitter…so we just said, “let’s do it!” the best decision ever. the kids were SO happy and we were able to see Boston thru their eyes. happy little eyes. the seats were basically ON the field, third base line, by the Orioles dugout. so very blessed. 
   
      it was 90 degrees and like 100% humidity and there was a tornado warning in effect! but nothing happened (because we brought an umbrella) ! 😊

and because we were living it up and having so much fun, we let the kids go crazy at the end of the night in a pressurized water park. it was magical. ✨

   
  
anyway, just a few pieces of our life to record here.  

until the next adventure-thanks for reading. X


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made from the stars

he asked me why you had to die, and all i knew what to say was this:
we each have magic inside us, and that we are made from wishes upon stars, and, in fact, from stars. and when we die, that very magic gets sent back out into the universe…and with any luck, we may feel his magic once again.
i’m not sure this answer helped our 6 year old son. he’s frustrated at the sentiment, ‘death is a part of life’, and to be honest, so am i. this loss feels hard and cold and unfair. the day he died it was one of the coldest of this winter, and that seems fitting.

we will genuinely miss you, John. you loved us (and we felt it), you loved the smell of babies, and cried when you first saw our daughter. a stay-at-home-dad, you loved the Red Sox, the woods in the forest, the Grateful Dead, and not having to pretend.
the last time you cooked for us it was steak and tuna because you knew the kids would eat it. always aware, always kind. when we’d visit, you’d always greet us at our car and always walked us back to it when we left.
you were a bit sarcastic, you loved reading, kept a good fire going, and you could tell a great story.
this past summer you completed building a craft room for your wife that was just gorgeous. and to top it off, you found a heart shaped stump in the woods, brought it home, polished it, and set it on her new felting table. looking back, it’s almost like you knew. that she’d need this place. this room to reflect, to cry, to love, to scream.

finally, when i went to visit you in the hospital and you were lying there, yellow with jaundice and older looking, yet curled like a baby, we talked. i wasn’t sure i should be there, (i’d never seen a cancer patient in that kind of shape) but you told me you wanted me to stay. looking back, i was so confident and ‘peppy’. as i quietly watched the reiki performed on your swollen feet, you closed your eyes and told me you couldn’t wait to swim in the cool water with your newly shaven head, but some things aren’t meant to be…
you leave behind two gorgeous, independent and confident boys: ten and thirteen, and your magical wife.
we will carry you in our hearts. always.

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